This time, four years ago, I was running around getting myself organised for the arrival of my baby boy. I had bought most of Woolies’ and Pick ‘n Pay’s online stock so that I wouldn’t need to leave the house for a few months while I tended to my new little bundle. I was storming around the house, cleaning and tidying everything in sight, and making sure that the tiny clothes and blankets were washed and ironed and ready to wrap up and protect my little tiny one. I had a manicure, pedicure, blow-dry and wax booked for the following morning. I was day-dreaming about spending two more child-free days, relaxing and having me-time.
Alex, however, had other plans for me.
At 9.30PM on Sunday the 21st of September 2008, my waters broke, and I was in labour, despite having a planned C-section booked for Tuesday the 23rd. My little guy arrived at 5 to midnight!
I simply cannot imagine my life without Alex in it, and although he has only been around for four short years, I feel like I have known him forever, that he has always been a part of me. This little person has taught me how to really love, and be loved, unconditionally.
I still remember holding him for the first time so clearly. How his eyes gazed into mine, as if he had been reunited with a long lost friend. How good his little damp body felt on my skin, and how his eyes bore into my soul, and how I loved him so deeply from the minute I saw him. It was the most precious moment of my life, but also the scariest. He was mine, and I had to look after him and nurture him, and make sure that no harm ever came to him, for the rest of my life. A momentous task by anyone’s standards… I so clearly remember the feelings of trepidation that something or someone would harm him. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve! When I look back to that day now, I cannot believe that four years have past, and that my sweet newborn is already a big-boy. (And how much he has grown and learned, and what a great little boy he has become.)
In the past four years, he has made me softer; more tolerant and more patient. I have cried happy tears in celebration of his first milestones: my heart swelled with pride as he took his first steps, as he uttered his first words, and as he said “I love you so much Mommy” for the first time. I have been heart-broken when he has been sick, hurt or upset. I have been in awe of how quickly he grasps things, and how clever he seems to be! I have laughed till my sides have ached and tears are streaming down my cheeks. I have endured temper tantrums and meltdowns, whilst exercising self restraint and patience as he has pushed me to my limits.
But most of all, I have loved like I have never loved in all my life.
Happy birthday my little guy, I love you more than you will ever know.
<Birthday Ring at School with his swimming dolphin cupcakes>